The Possibilities

Ohhh gosh... Been a while since I write and check on this blog, but I'm currently in a downcast condition but I dunno who can I talk with so I'm just gonna type it out here. Recently I have been spending most of my money in a place call "DE BOSS" which located in Kota Kinabalu, Asia City 4th Floor. Ermmm, since last time I been in a relationship its like 6 or 7 month ago, thought I can just stand strong and stay single!! But really can't huh? I'm just spend like 3k something in 1 week, money is not the problem, the problem is I think there's a girl who work in "DE BOSS" got stuck in my mind. I know it's not possible for me to like or love someone like her. She's a china girl, her name is Xiao Ling but I know that's not the real name of cos, she's so cute and treat me nice, ermmm mayb bcos I pay her? LOL. Wondering am I crazy desperate for love or wat, gonna chill myself out b4 I walk to the door again. Geezzz.....

No More Funny Business, o0o

I used to b a comedian... LOL... But now no more "HAHAHAHA" I was wondering is tht me? :( I'm not certain about it but one thing I knew is after didn't heard from u a few days... I'm started to think about u... Hmmm... R u ok? How r u recently? Do u miss me? Thr's a lot of question mark in my head... OMG... My bad habit is coming all back at once... Bcos without u thr's meaningless for me to change all my bad attitude n habit.. Tht doesn't mean a thing to me if "YOU" doesn't exist.. Unfortunately but u really do exist b4 but not for now... :( I'm desperate for ur voice all tht thing... I miss ur smile n ur face which carrying a little smile but mean a whole lot of things within... :) A smile tht can make me smile or cry, tht's is ur weapon... :) I would like to say "I LOVE YOU" bcos u're important to me n given me the happiest moment in my life.. Thr's some sentence which ppl always said... "If u love it, let it go.. If it always come back, it's yours for sure.. If not, let go..." Tht's wat ppl used to say... Hmm... Now I knew it's true for sure... I will let u go, n if u're coming back for me again, u're mine for sure... Let u go doesn't mean gave up, I didn't n will nvr.. :) Everyday n night make me miss u more.. Everyday in the morning I saw the sun rise as u do... Every night I saw the same stars n moon as u see... Every moments, I take the same air as u breath.. Every second I love u the most like u love me too... :) Take care...

Your Call :)

In the midnight I'm still waiting for ur call... I'm sick... Call me mad... Call I'm desperate for ur voice... I'm listening to the song that we used to sing in the car, do u remember? Butterfly, early summer... It's playing on repeat... Just like when we met... Because I was born to love u... Born to tell u that I love u... Every breath that u take when u're sitting next to me will bring life into my deepest hopes... Tonight is a rainy night, remind me that everything that happen b4... I would like to say thanks to u for giving me a lot of great memories... U're my fantasy, my hope, my faith... Every chapter of my life, how I wish I can share with u in the coming future... I'm not afraid for being alone anymore, because I know that u will walk my path with me, neither do I... I will do the same thing for u... We share, we face, and we solve everything that block us to be together... Trust me... Nothing can seperate us anymore, we will nvr be apart... If there is anyone who denied me to be with u, I will fuck him/her off... Dun worry... Do u remember that I tell u about my dream? I'm willing to tell u here no matter u saw or read it or not... I dream about our future... I'm really so happy while in the dream, I hope I will nvr woke up that day... But it's ok, I know the day will come soon... I know I'm very notty, very wild... Always make u worried about me... I'm so sryyy, I will changed, I promise... Babeee...!! I really miss u so muchhhiesss.... :) It's raining heavily now, did u get cold? If u get cold tell me, I will hug u n make u warm... Do u miss me? If u miss me I would appeared in front of u now... Love u is not making me tired my babe, dun u so stupid think something like this k? Loving u is making me blessed... I know u feel it too... Everytime I saw u cry, that stupid kinda feel is really killing me... Mayb sometimes I'm bad, I have a lot of bad habit... I know... But u my babe, u can reach an understand to tht habit and to me... I really know u're mad at me sometimes just u're not willing to scold me... I understand... Pls let me know more about u, I'm not dare to tell u this face to face... But I really wanna know more about u, understand more about u.. Tell me if I've done anything wrong, tell me frankly, I can accept it... :) I'm willing to make the first step for u... Edit all my bad attitudes & habit... Lastly I wanna tell u something that is essential.. Even u're heavy I will still bear n hug u till my last breath... :) I love u Babe...

Lost Faith & Lost Hope

I've once tell myself not to leave u anymore... Not to abandon u anymore... Not to make u cry n sad anymore... But I can't do it, I'm so sry... I knew, I really knew that u love me so much.. For me, I love u more than myself, but wat can we do? We dun have an option, parents & faith issues force us to separate once again... I've try my best not to give up, but I can't make it... Rmb I tell u that "Love Is Never Give Up"....... I've fail u... I dun believe in love anymore, I dun wanna be in relationship until I forget u... Can I? I won't forget about u in my life time, u will always be in my memories, the sweetest, the bittiest & and the happiest in my life... No one would ever take the position of u in my heart, u're so essential, so virtual & so stupid... I can't tell u anything, even whn u saw this post, dun b sad bcos I knew that I will always be with u too, be part of ur memories... I'm happy enough to be a memories... The time we spend together it's just like a dream, u and me did ask each others b4.. "Is this a dream?"... I think it is, 1 hour b4 we're one lovely couple and talking about our future together while we're having dinner... We laugh & smile... I still rmb the smile on ur face, it's so gorgeous and adorable... No one can ever compare with u, no one... Sry that I can't take u as my wife, our weddings & dream is all gone... I'm so sry... I knew that u wanna tell me words similar like these too... But don't, bcos my heart alr broken into pieces which cannot be pictured anymore... Just like yours... But I will rmb the smell, the smile, the cute expression, the promises, everything of u... Heineken is my only fren now, even Heineken be with me I still felt no bitter taste... I will pray for u & ur future will shine so bright just like the sun... :)

:)

I miss u so much... Hello~ Can u hear me? :( No.... U told me tht I'm not a good guy... Like ppl say : "Dun judge a person with his look." Is tht right? Hmmmm... Everytime we have conversation, I always keep wat I wanna tell u in my heart, i'm not brave enough to tell it straight away.. Sorry... Really sorry, I know tht b4 I've do something really bad to u.. But I really hope someday somehow I can pay the debt tht I owe u... Today u tell me tht we're just fren, not more than frens... Depressed... :( Aint got the chance to pay the debt anymore... Mayb i'm stupid, yes i'm stupid... :( How I wish tht I could tell u tht I love u, I wanna take care of u... Movie for 3 person, but i doesnt worth to get a name... Everytime whn I tell u smthg, mayb those r some embarrass stuff, example " I miss u...." whn u dun wanna answer me anything, i'll always say it's just an open end laugh, dun u mind.. For me it's pain enough to say it's just a joke... Ahhhh... Everyone think tht Brian is tough enough n have a bunch of girl fren... But i'm not... Sick Monkey!!!! :(

忘记你我做不到

有爱就有恨，或多或少。。
有幸福就有烦恼，除非你都不要。。
跟你的温柔比较，一切变得不重要。。
没有你分分秒秒，都是煎熬。。

有爱就有恨，或多或少。。
想一次白头到老，说再见太潦草。。
看你头也不回的走掉，心里像火烧。。
分分秒秒没有你，管他艳阳高照。。

忘记你我做不到
不去天涯海角，在我身边就好。。
要是承诺不可靠，是什么让我们拥抱。。
忘记你我做不到，不去天涯海角在我身边就好。。
如果爱是痛苦的泥沼，让我们。。一起逃。。。

Follow By The Letters F

U tell me tht this is just an open end laugh... Well, does it make any difference with wat i've tell u earlier? Yes... This makes a great difference with mine, bcos wat u're telling me b4, wat i've given u b4, it's just waste for u, my view and my point, all of those is just WASTE!!! Well well well, it's ok... Time change, generation change, ppl change, this is absolutely a normal cycle for human being...

I nvr desire tht u will forgive me, nvr think about wanted u to understand me, now this tragedy happens bcos i've made this my own... I've no complaints about this part, just hope tht later on u will be in a good part of life, live in the world tht u've always desperate n desire for... Is this wat ppl name it "SELFISH?" I dun wanna know, n thr is no reason for me to know... Except thr is a better reason, tht is "U stay with me"... But it's impossible... Bcos I understand wat can b done n wat is cant be done... As a human, we've to forge ahead...

We nvr look back for wat have alr happening, we just hope in the mean time we can compensate for wat we've done wrong... In time, I'm kinda like someone who love to socialize with others, joking around, making fun of others... Act like this... For? These are only my attempt to cover up my own sadness n hatred.. I dun wanna let everyone know about it, cos it's gay.. :P Sometimes I tell myself tht i'm going to muscle every ounce of confidence tht i've, telling myself "FOR YOU I WILL"... But is tht really worth to do so? Give me an answer pls, God.. Lord Jesus Christ... :(